AS promised.... #2

I know this has been a long time in coming. I know I promised it would be soon. And well, my friends, "soon" is relative. Get over it.

Now, I know many of you have cringed and shared your absolute horror and disgust with me over bad date story #1. Yes, that story is 100% true. Yes, it really did happen to ME. And maybe now you will all understand why I sometimes have reservations about dating. Sometimes I can't wait to date. Other times I remember these horrible experiences.

Number 2 isn't so much one particular date as an almost-entire dating story. One night was ummm awkward, but the end of the relationship was just hilarious.

Some time after date #1 I started to date another guy. This guy lived in Sandy, Utah. This guy was deaf, and lived with his family. I wasn't concerned about the deaf factor as I was pretty fluent in sign language at the time, but found that wasn't necessary because he had hearing aids and did rather well with them. He was a returned missionary and worked for the church inspecting fabric. As an employee of the church he was required to maintain a temple recommend. Not a bad kind of boyfriend to have, really. In true Utah dating fashion, we had dated about a month and started talking about the M-word. Looking at rings. You know the drill.

One night we went out to Payson or something to visit one of his mission companions or one of his friends or something. I have no idea what all we did at said friend's house. His friends woman was there also, so it was kind of a double date. We watched a movie, the 4 of us. And we all cuddled up under blankets with our honeys. We had a lovely, schmoopy time enjoying everyone's company and of course loving cuddling up. The boy drove me home at the end of the evening. We were sitting in the car talking, and kissing a little bit. We were directly under my bedroom window - there was a student parking lot right there. I knew any of my roommates or neighbors could look down and see us sitting in the car. In the course of the kissing and conversation, he determines that maybe we should um... progress a little bit.

Now, granted, I'll take a little responsibility here. We were sitting in his car. Making out in a car is not exactly easy or convenient. My hand was on his leg. Not scandalously, just on his leg. I learned an important thing this night about having your hand on a guy's leg. Keep your hands on your own lap. You can also keep your hands on his shoulders. One hand on his shoulder might even be handy, so that if he gets a little too "in your face" you can easily push him back a little bit so you can breathe for a minute. But, if you put your hand on HIS leg, even if it's not scandalously, apparently it's scandalous for HIM. Which reminds me of another bad date story. Well, it wasn't BAD, just ummm not the best. Awkward. But that's another story for another time. So, my hand was on his leg. Don't do that. Ok? Just don't do that. Apparently that's code for "show me the goods, cowboy!" Now, if you want to see the goods, then by all means, go right ahead.

So my hand was on his leg. We're kissing. He says to me, "so do you want to see it?" I am thinking "ummm what might I want to see?" And then, before I know it, there it is. Yes folks. The little general. In full salute. Right before my, and possibly my roommates' and my neighbors', very eyes. You would have thought there was a cop behind me telling me to keep my hands where he could see them. Now, I ask, what is a girl to do when a boy decides to share the jewels?

I mean, I'm all for jewelry. I like sparkley, shiny things like diamonds and all. And how on earth do you get it out so fast that a girl hardly has a time to respond and say "No don't! it's NOT attractive! I know the two of you may have a great relationship, but that doesn't mean I want in on that. Two's company, three's a crowd!"

A couple weeks after that, the boyfriend went out of town for the weekend. He hadn't said anything about going out of town for the long weekend. I called his house wanting to do something, and his mom said he was out of town. He'd gone to Vegas with some friends. I thought, "well that's nice. What a fun time." He got back into town Monday night. Apparently he was pretty upset that I wasn't so interested in his jewels so he didn't want to offer me any jewelry. I'm starting to think that maybe someone else was more interested in the jewels. Monday night he IM'd me. It's funny how certain conversations stick in your head for YEARS. This happened probably in 2001. So this is what he says to me:

"Sara, I can't see you anymore. Actually, there's someone else. I asked her to marry me last night. She said yes."

Ok boys, a little tip. As sucky as it is to tell someone you don't want to date them anymore, at least offer a phone call. Breaking up with someone over the internet is not acceptable. Not over email, not over instant messenger, not over text message.

Also, do not get involved with another girl before you end it with the previous girl. It is wise to only maintain one relationship at a time. If you have lost interest in the girl you are dating, end it. Do not hold on to her. It's just too complicated. You're not just messing with her head, you're messing with your own head. The poor boy. No wonder he felt the need to pull it out - I think he may have temporarily forgotten who he was with. It's difficult to keep these things organized in your head. So back to the story...

What???????? There's someone else?? And wait, we were dating last weekend, and you were sharing your jewels with me not long before that. I didn't ask for them, but you were happy to volunteer them. And there's someone else? And how long have you been playing both of us at the same time? And what on earth possessed you to ask her to marry you last night and THEN break up with me? Well it's just as well. Your jewels were nothing compared to bad date #1. I mean, if you're going to share the salute, I'll share the evaluation. So THERE!

And really, it's just as well. I couldn't seriously look my husband in the face and call him Doyle. He didn't go by Doyle though. He went by D'. That's right D with an apostrophe following it, which he was sure to point out to people. "I'm Dee, with an apostrophe." Why? Because his 3 names all started with D. He also hated "Doyle," so he decided to abbreviate, hence the apostrophe. I'll leave you to comment on all the things the D could be short for. I'm sure you can tell my imagination runs wild there...